The Ties that Bind… and Kill

Yes, there’s more. Pity it isn’t anything like the teaser, but it’s interesting in its own right…

I eventually did go to Jacksonville, after a brief respite in L.A. so I could be chewed out by my Mother. Nothing interesting happened on the plane, so I’ll skip to my first encounter with the client…

7:00 AM

Get up, shower, get dressed. Put on a nice shirt (button-down collar) and a pair of new jeans. Decide I need that extra “touch-of-class” and I wear a sweater instead of my usual jersey.

8:30 AM

Breakfast with Account Manager. Eyebrow raised over apparel, but no comment.

9:00 AM

Arrive at client’s location. Escorted to the Human Resources department, where I am enthusiastically greeted by a representative. Spend time filling out reports. She makes no comment about my appearance. I’m actually starting to feel good about this place…

9:31 AM

Escorted to the Engineering department. Smiles are had all around, introductions are made, hands are shook.

9:31:05 AM

Escort leaves. Smiles disappear.

9:31:07 AM

Head Engineer looks me over. “We believe in ties here,” he says coldly.

9:31:12 AM

“Oh,” I say, not knowing what to make of his comment.

9:31:16 AM

“Do you have a problem with this?” he sneers.

9:31:21 AM

That did it. “Yes, I do,” I reply back, meaning I have a problem with his attitude.

9:31:26 AM

“I don’t like you.”

9:31:29 AM

“I’m sorry. Let me take a look at your code, and we’ll discuss this later.”

9:31:34 AM

“We don’t like your attitude. Please go to Human Resources and tell them you’re unacceptable.”

All in all, I had this contract for 34 seconds, if you don’t count the time wasted in HR. (I actually checked my watch when entering and leaving, so that is accurate.)

Dark Homecoming

I returned to New Jersey, strangely happy, knowing that I’d soon be going home. Silly me…

They actually wanted to keep me! The only reason I can figure is that they wanted to get as much out of me as they could. During this time, I wrote an extra chapter in the “Madness” series (this time, a rambling collection of incoherent thoughts) and improved my backgammon game.

As you can guess, I finally quit. It was a mutual decision.

Epilogue

So, what did I get out of this? In the end, I had:

• One nice weekend with my cousin and his wife in New Jersey;
• One unused ticket for a round-trip from Philadelphia to Los Angeles courtesy of USAir;
• Negative one umbrella (it was lost on a flight);
• A deep paranoia about consulting firms; and
• No respect for Jacksonville.

The moral of this story? Always make sure the company you’re going to work for knows you don’t wear ties.

Update

A recent article in The Register told me what happened after the company and I parted ways. They were bought by HP, allowed to fester, then made redundant. So even if everything had worked out, I still would not have had a future there.