So, I’m minding my own business, puttering around, reading my humor archive (all on company time, of course), when the annoying PA screeches to life. “Call the Operator, Robert Menke,” it demands. I call the operator. It’s my pal, Rich.

Me:

Hi Rich.

Rich:

Jacksonville?!? You don’t want to go to that armpit!

Me:

Relax, Rich. Sure I know it’s an armpit. But you know me. I hate confrontation. And I have no idea what I signed... blah blah blah.

Rich:

Quit. Quit now. You’ll be better off.

Me:

Can’t. They still have my money. Want it back. Of course, I plan to blow this popsicle stand the moment I get it. Of course it’s a lousy location... blah blah blah.

Conversation continues for a significant amount of time... at the company’s expense, of course

Me:

See you on Saturday, Rich. *click*

So why am I giving you a synopsis of a conversation you all would like to have with me?

You guessed it. Right behind me, probably for the majority of the call, is the hiring manager who got me assigned to that hell-hole in the first place. He has this pained look on his face as we make arrangements to meet in a hotel in Jacksonville.

Straight out of “America’s Most Humiliating Home Videos.” And you got to see it here first…