General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive. Imagine if they did…
| HelpLine: | General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you? |
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| Customer: | I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened! |
| HelpLine: | Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it? |
| Customer: | What’s an ignition? |
| HelpLine: | It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine. |
| Customer: | Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car? |
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| HelpLine: | General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you? |
| Customer: | My car ran fine for a week and now it won’t go anywhere! |
| HelpLine: | Is the gas tank empty? |
| Customer: | Huh? How do I know? |
| HelpLine: | There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F’. Where is the needle pointing? |
| Customer: | It’s pointing to ‘E’. What does that mean? |
| HelpLine: | It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you. |
| Customer: | What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in! |
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| HelpLine: | General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you? |
| Customer: | Your cars suck! |
| HelpLine: | What’s wrong? |
| Customer: | It crashed, that’s what wrong! |
| HelpLine: | What were you doing? |
| Customer: | I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won’t start now! |
| HelpLine: | It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it? |
| Customer: | I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn’t crash any more! |
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| HelpLine: | General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you? |
| Customer: | Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks. |
| HelpLine: | Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you? |
| Customer: | How do I work it? |
| HelpLine: | Do you know how to drive? |
| Customer: | Do I know how to what? |
| HelpLine: | Do you know how to drive? |
| Customer: | I’m not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car! |
Michael Chastain (mec@shell.portal.com)
And the response…