The Wabe → The Roadtrip → The Roadtrip Reports → Year 6 → Knott’s Scary Farm
Technically this isn’t a roadtrip, because Paul wasn’t there. The reason Paul wasn’t there is amusing in its own right: he lost his ticket. Without getting into the sordid details, leave it to say that Paul needs significant self-improvement in the housecleaning department. The other reason this isn’t an official roadtrip is that Rob left his camera at home. Details, details.
So, for those unfamiliar with the Southern California amusement park scene, Knott’s Berry Farm is a theme park built on the site of the farm where boysenberries were developed. Over the years, the park has changed from a simple berry farm with a pan-for-gold attraction to a full-fledged ride-laden theme park with Wild West, Roaring ’20s, and Mexican motifs.
For the last 29 years, each halloween the park has been transformed into Knott’s Scary Farm, where they set up halloween-themed attractions. Knott’s certainly outdid itself this year with 10 mazes (of course, this could be making a rash statement, since the last time we went to a Halloween Haunt was in 1985 and there was only one maze).
The need to “know your Python” became ever so significant. While in line for Lore of the Vampire, a park ghoul slid in between us and the girls in front. He tried to frighten them, then pretended to be in line so as to jump out at any unsuspecting passersby.
Rob looked up at the shaky rope bridge crossing overhead (a part of the maze) and said, “It looks a lot like the Bridge of Aaaaagh!”
The ghoul turned to look at him and said, “What is your name? What is your quest? And what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
Without missing a beat, Rob replied, “African or European?”
He said, “I dunno,” screamed, and dove out of line. It was classic, although Jason ruined it by surmising that the ghoul crew were probably all Renaissance Faire geeks.
While touring Army of the Underworld (the theme for the Calico Mine Ride), Rob made the observation that only the rear cars were getting any attention because our car was all-male. As if to prove him wrong, the moment that was said that a passenger got a tap on his shoulder and we all screamed like girls. We’re wussies, we admit it.
The mazes were creative. Aside from the usual props of blood and gore (mostly gore, rubbery intestines hanging from the ceiling in one maze was a nice touch), the park placed strategic “jumpers” whose jobs were to pop out from behind corners and make loud noises.
Rob had his chance to scream when a chainsaw-wielding maniac jumped out of a cabinet in the neglected maze Blood Bayou. The maze entrance was hidden between Bigfoot Rapids and the Cryptkeeper show and people were overlooking it. In terms of a theme it was more-of-the-same, although that Jason and Rob were the only ones walking through it at the time made it much more terrifying.
Legend of Spider Woods was the worst attraction by far. A 40-minute wait for a boring 1-minute show. It wasn’t even a proper maze; just a room with strobe lights and guys in costumes running around tapping people on the shoulders. Ah, yes, Barnum lives.
As far as rides go… well. The Parachute Jump is gone: too many problems, we suppose. It’s been replaced by the Supreme Scream, which is a thousand times worse as far as Rob is concerned. Not only are you tortured in line with pop music videos, but the ride itself… brrr. Imagine being suspended in a tiny chair 250 feet in the air, then dropped to the ground. The ride up and the wait is far worse than the drop.
One final note: on Bigfoot Rapids, we managed to make it almost to the end without getting too wet; unfortunately, just before we made it to the dock a huge wave came and drenched Jason from head to toe, so he was dripping for the rest of the evening. It was a beautiful end to the evening.
Last Modified: 2003/12/08 07:26:10 GMT
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