The Wabe → Rob's Mini-Oracularities Page → Rob's Mini-Oracularities Page: Questions 70-79
(Answer-20 Jan 1998)
The question was:
> "You are old, Uncle Orrie," the young man said,
> "And your skin is as tough as old leather.
> Yet you keep all your answers at once in your head.
> What makes you so frightfully clever?"
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} "In my youth," Uncle Orrie replied with a sneer,
} "I ate woodchucks for breakfast and lunch.
} Why, look! I still have a crate of them here!
} Allow me to sell you a bunch?"
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of "The Annotated Alice."
(Question-17 Feb 1998)
The question was:
> Just what *did* happen to Barbara, the net.suppleness.goddess?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} For more information, see alt.goddess.sag.sag.sag.
}
} You owe the Oracle a spork.
(Answer-18 Feb 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Oracle so wise and well-spoken, why do all
> these people around me pronounce the "h" in
> vehicle? Don't they know it's supposed to be
> silent?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} It has to do with all the salty moisture that blows in from the
} Atlantic Ocean to the east. It creates excess phlegm, and causes
} certain "silent" sounds to become audible. People on the other side
} of the Atlantic are protected and pronounce words correctly.
}
} You owe the Oracle an explanation on how atmospheric conditions in
} Europe cause excess U's to appear in words.
(Question-03 Mar 1998)
The question was:
> Why isn't "Bud Dry" dehydrated beer?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Incompetence. Just wait until Japanese beer companies start selling
} sachets of powdered 'dry beer' in the US. You would have thought that
} US companies would have realised by now, but it's always the same.
}
} You owe The Oracle a large number of shares in the 'Suntory' company.
(Question-05 Mar 1998)
The question was:
> Have we had specific resolution on the Question 1000 (Q1K) problem?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} Angela M. Herold
} ATAC
} BSG - Sales Support
} (913) 534-4846
} aherold@igate.sprint.com
}
}
} -----Original Message-----
} From: oracle
} Sent: Thursday, March 05, 1998 11:12 AM
} To: Angela.M.Herold
} Cc: oracle
} Subject: Answer #Qa20980, the Oracle requires an answer to this
} question.
}
} Received: from sii01.mail.sprint.com (mailhub [192.251.141.141])
} by kcopmp02.corp.sprint.com with ESMTP (8.7.6/8.7.3) id
} LAA21060 for <Angela.M.Herold@openmail.mail.sprint.com>;
} Thu, 5 Mar 1998 11:10:13 -0600 (CST)
} Received: from mail.sprint.com by sii01.mail.sprint.com with
} ESMTP; Thu, 5 Mar 1998 11:12:38 -0600
} Received: from sunos.cs.indiana.edu ([129.79.250.124]) by
} bastion.mail.sprint.com with ESMTP id <16212>; Thu, 5 Mar
} 1998 11:11:38 -0600
} Received: (from oracle@localhost)
} by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.16) id
} MAA02259;
} Thu, 5 Mar 1998 12:11:51 -0500 (EST)
} Date: Thu, 5 Mar 1998 11:11:51 -0600
} From: The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu>
} Message-Id: <199803051711.MAA02259@sunos.cs.indiana.edu>
} Subject: Answer #Qa20980, the Oracle requires an answer to this
} question.
} To: Angela M Herold <Angela.M.Herold@mail.sprint.com>
} X-Face:
} )/f9dP<k\!g-'b'Sn!jD[[Y(T^=/)v/C&G-fO%mE+$oq#6H1k>AX/dU$1
} Z!U(/?A
}
} PiIJvIOtcN@L.><f)H>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feR<g*p/sQ)#~7tLC*8$G}W
} Ve$eZ;
}
} Wig5LM9ec&;}@BK]=TVO>f.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5V
} N*_+bB
}
} kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:<WA'25dLj<U?mm;wHr!<pBL_\S#7NlVBqZG1/T
} *6$zDv
} m6a?#4#l>05'EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f'@),(2WT
} X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with
} ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces.
} !!! The Oracle's question queue is getting rather full. Help
} speed !!! things up for everyone and do askme's instead of
} tellme's.
} The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question!
} ~ Have we had specific resolution on the Question 1000
} (Q1K) problem?
} ~ The resolution consists of specific facts which tend to
} lead to abstract details. The details outline abstract
} facts that have resolved the issue at question.
}
}
} .......................................................................
}
} Item Subject: WINMAIL.DAT
} Couldn't convert Microsoft Mail Message Data item to text at a gateway.
(Answer-29 Apr 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Oracle, thou for whom wild flowers spend their whole lives yearning
> that thou might walk past with Lisa at full bloom....
>
> Oracle, why doesn't my girlfriend believe that I'm a virgin?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} That's what you get for dating a unicorn.
}
} You owe the Oracle a guide to interspecies relationships.
(Answer-02 May 1998)
The question was:
> O mighty Oracle, who could have a life if he wanted, but doesn't because he's
> got Lisa and so doesn't need one.
>
> What am I doing at home on a Friday night asking you trivial questions?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Same thing I'm doing on Saturday night answering them.
}
} You owe the Oracle a life... oh, wait, you don't have one either.
(Answer-07 May 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Oracle, wise and true.
> Why don't you ever give me a straight answer?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} because
} i
} really
} like
} writing
} in
} the
} style
} of
} e e cummings
}
} you owe t u oracle some uppercase letters and some punctuation
(Answer-02 Jun 1998)
The question was:
> Oh Almighty Oracle, all-knowing, all-telling...
>
> Why did they name Uranus (the planet) Uranus? I mean, which gross
> scientist could think of that name for a planet? Aren't these planet
> names censored, perhaps discussed in an open forum first? What will
> the next planet be called? Myspleen?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} There's a fascinating story behind that. In January 1781, mad King
} George III passed the infamous URANUS directive-- Uninspiring,
} Repulsive, Awful Names Until September-- to prevent the proliferation
} of astronomical discoveries (which upset the King to no end).
}
} William Herschel was already on his way to discovering the seventh
} planet when the directive took effect. He named the planet "Herschel"
} after himself, thinking that that was a bad enough name. (And he was
} right. Who would want to study a planet named "Herschel"?) But his
} pal, Johann Bode, convinced him to rename the planet after the much
} hated law. And thus, Uranus was named.
}
} You owe the Oracle a recording of Carl Sagan's body spinning in the
} grave.
(Question-05 Jun 1998)
The question was:
> Ba Wheep Gra Na Wheep Ninny-bong?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} No, this isn't a previously unannounced side-effect. This is what happens
} when you put the Viagra on the same shelf as the dog anti-depressants.
} They're both little blue pills - you should really have seen this one
} coming (if you'll pardon the expression).
}
} The effects should be wearing off by now, but I think your lady friend is
} pretty traumatised by the whole experience. And her stockings are ruined.
}
} You owe the Oracle a collar and leash.
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